Why we keep our finances separate - Guest Blog Post by @organized.finance

This guest post was written by Organized Finance. Organized Finance and I both do separate finances with our partners! Here is a different take on “why” from someone else who also does this successfully. You can find her on Instagram or at her blog!

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Money plays a major role in most romantic relationships, whether or not we like to admit it. In fact, money is often cited as a leading cause of divorce. As a professional over-thinker, I’ve spent a lot of time going over how best to manage finances in my relationship. In this post I'll discuss the reasons behind the decision to maintain separate/hybrid finances in my relationship and explain how it contributes to our financial goals and relationship dynamics.

Our background

For context, my partner and I are both recent college graduates working in the San Francisco Bay Area. We both have relatively high incomes for our age (both upwards of $150k), though my partner earns more than I do. We live together and split our shared expenses 50/50. We have not combined our finances and plan to keep them at least partially separate, even if/when married.

Our financial game plan

My partner and I have had several conversations about how to manage finances in our relationship. This is our current plan:

While we are in the dating stage: Keep all finances separate, but work on shared goals together. This is working well for us at this time.

When married: Find a hybrid model that works for us. We plan to have some shared assets, such as our home/investment properties and a joint checking/savings account for shared expenses that we will both contribute to. We also plan to keep some aspects of our finances completely separate, such as our individual retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, and personal spending accounts.

Here are the main reasons we plan to always keep some accounts separate:

Different spending habits:

The primary reason we choose to not combine our finances is that we have different spending habits. My partner earns more than I do and spends more than I do. For many years I had a very strong scarcity mindset, and over-spending would stress me out. Keeping separate accounts for our personal spending lessens the likelihood of conflict over what each of us spends money on and how much we spend.

Valuing financial autonomy:

When I was growing up, my parents had combined finances. My father was oftentimes the sole earner in the household, and my mother had little to no financial autonomy. Seeing my mother struggle with this instilled in me the importance of financial independence. Even if I eventually combine some financial accounts with my partner, it will always be important for me to keep some to myself, to maintain a sense of self-reliance and autonomy.

Shared goals:

While we do plan to keep some accounts separate, we also think it's important to have shared goals and shared assets in a committed long-term relationship. We plan to have a joint savings account for our long-term financial goals (such as buying a house) and a joint checking account for shared expenses. We also plan to own assets that will be in both of our names.

Communication and a shared vision is key.

How we track expenses

We set a "money date" for ourselves at the end of each month, during which we review our shared expenses*, calculate how much we owe each other, and Venmo each other the difference. We also review our overall saving and spending rates and discuss our financial goals for the coming month.

*Over the course of our relationship, my partner and I have tried out several methods of tracking shared expenses, including apps like Onward & Monarch Money and spreadsheet trackers. All have worked well for us and we don't have a strong preference.

We're staying flexible

This is the plan we've come up with based on our individual money mindsets, habits, and goals, but we are both open to change. If we find a better way to manage our finances, we won't hesitate to try it out.

Do what works for you

Keeping our finances separate has allowed my partner and I to embrace our individual spending habits, pursue our financial goals (together and separately), and maintain a sense of autonomy and independence. By openly communicating and aligning on long-term aspirations, we strike a balance that strengthens our relationship while respecting our individual financial journeys.

Every couple will have a different financial dynamic, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution for handling finances in a relationship. Any method that supports both partners' values and enables them to work toward their financial goals is a successful one.

How do you handle finances in our relationship? Let us know!